A few days ago someone I care deeply about told me something completely unsettling. I don't remember how the subject was broached but I was told that old age is not an option, once this person reaches a certain age they would kill themselves, at first I stood there startled and I thought "would there ever be anything that would cause me to think so drastically about life" and I finally have the answer. I think that there's only a few things in my life that would make me consider suicide.
The main one being that if I ever contracted the HIV/AIDS virus. Shocking, I know. I'm sure some of you will say that people living with HIV/AIDS (PLWHA) have a higher life span now than say people who contracted the aforementioned viruses in the late 80s and early 90s, but in all honesty I don't think that I would ever want to live knowing that I am slowly dying. I have met people who have both HIV and AIDS and I feel like they put on this mask of happiness, as if everything is all right, but if you look into their eyes you can see the cracks in their perceived normality. I can't live that way, I want to know I'm happy and that it will all be okay. Slowly dying is not an option for me, sure you may think I'm taking the cowards way out, and that ending my life would be a way for me to not suffer the consequences of my mistakes but I'm here to tell you that I can't and will not live that way. I don't want to ever be a burden on anyone, or to force anyone to have to take care of me. This is my only reason to ever consider such drastic actions.
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