What's with America and Violence?

Why do we as American's glorify violence? We slow down on freeways to look at accidents and watch the  evening news just to count the fatalities and if we even read news papers anymore we'd collect the clippings and set up scrap books and portfolios all depicting death. I recently had the opportunity to watch the lastest in the Saw film series (Saw VII or Saw 3D, whichever you choose to call it) and I realized that that movie was almost 2 hours of horrific death and death. Did I enjoy it? No I didn't enjoy one minute of it, it was just one grotesque brutality after another. Where have our American sensibilities gone? Once upon a time we we shocked and outraged by deaths and murders and now we collect them like stamps and trading cards.

The End of 2010; New Beginnings Abound

2010 was a year of quietly embracing the consequences of my actions. I was forced to live in the conditions I had laid out for myself many of which began in the year 2009. I plan to start 2011 in a completely different mind set. I've made many mistakes this year and I've put my life on hold for such trivial things as love only to have it thrown back in my face. Was I wrong to do so? Maybe, but it was a mistake that I have to live with. 

Contemplations of Life and Death

Today I'm sitting here, feeling the terrible wind again my skin and I'm contemplating death. Do we not know the truth about death? I for one believe that death is not the end. We have this cycle of life that we go through. There is no kingdom which awaits us after we have succumbed to death, there is only death. When we die it's only a way for our body to tell us the energy we have stored has become to much for the old vessel and that it needs to be free to explore again. Every thing that we do in life is just a product of what our energy tells us to do. People got it wrong when they started calling the light inside us spirits, in actuality it is just energy. Our aura is just a product of that energy. Almost everything we do is to replenish our energy, eat, sleep, exercise, play etc.

The Truth

To me the worst thing in the world is a lie. I'm sure there are worst things than a lie, but to me the act of telling a lie is unforgivable. A lie is the opposite of a great story because it builds and builds into an unsatisfying end. It never pays off, or at least the payoff is unexpected. Someone once told me that you can always tell a lie because of how outrageous a story sounds. I'm here to tell you first hand that that's true. How you can tell a person is a liar is by their mysterious and changing behaviors. I mean in all honesty mystery is not sexy, it is not attractive. Ok, sure you can argue that mystery is somewhat sexy, but it's a trap. Ladies let me tell you, guys hide behind mystery so you don't expect them of lying. It's easier for us to say that we're just mysterious and not that we're lying.

What an amazing week!

This was a beautiful view from Montmarte.

I have plenty of new things to post and I just haven't gotten around to doing so.

A Poem,

A few pictures,

and maybe a story or 2.


...stay tuned and take care.

-XXXMED

Forgiveness

I keep thinking, should I or shouldn't I? Do I really need this heartache and pain in my life? But ultimately I've decided that I will, it's never a simply case of should I or shouldn't I, in fact it has never so simple. My answer simply comes from my thoughts, because I think you deserve my forgiveness, I think that I have made some mistakes, that we have made some mistakes, in the past few weeks. I just wish that we would have made an case for communication, or lack therein of, for which we are both guilty.


Like many people, my first reaction to betrayal was revenge, but revenge isn't always cut and paste. It's always a little messy and it involves other people getting hurt. My goal isn't to hurt anyone else, but just to not feel the way I was feeling. Childishly I was thinking that if I made someone feel the same way I felt then I would be on top, I would have perched myself back on top of Cloud 9. But I found out that revenge doesn't work, it's unsatisfying. Sure, you're caught up in this moment where revenge is bliss but in the end it's not, it's sorrow and disgust. Think "The Bride" at the end of Kill Bill, after she had her revenge she experienced this brief bittersweet moment of happiness, but you know what she ended up feeling sorrow and the sting of sadness. In her case, as is the case with many accomplishment equaled despondency.


Everyone says that it is best to just forgive and forget, but honestly how many people do you know that actually forgive and forget? It's never forgotten, always brought up on some drunken night, some fight, some disagreement, come case in point, truthfully no one can ever forgive and forget. The prospect of doing so is simply ludicrous. I'm sure you can count on one hand how many actually do. There's something truly remarkable in remembering, it braces you for that inevitable day that you will need to recall exact events and emotions. Frankly I feel as though it's better to not forgive or forget, it's better to know so you can look for signs and reoccurrence.


You might ask where all this is coming from, that it seems random and off the wall, and perhaps it is. The truth is that ultimately it's random but also it speaks to my character today, but not just today for the past week. It's also addressing something that's been weighing heavily on my heart and mind recently. I think I have an excellent capacity for forgiveness, I just don't want that fact taken for granted.

GOING WITH DISTANCE

Where do I begin? Distance is best defined as the amount of space between two things or people. But what does one do when that distance is ever changing? When it becomes more than just a physical distance, but also and emotional one. In the past 2 weeks I have experienced both emotional and physical distance. So my question is, how does one cope with distance?

Sure it's easy to say, I'll be there for you and I'll wait but you know what it's not easy. When you know that the person you love (or are intimate with) sees you less than 15 days a month. Recently I had the opportunity to see the movie 'Going the Distance' and it was amazing to see how Hollywood approached the subject of long distance relationships. The movie wasn't perfect but neither are real relationships. There's always pain and hurt and sorrow, but you know what these are just symptoms of love. Other symptoms include; happiness and joy, which may lead to excessive smiling.

The key to having a successful long distance (or semi-long distance relationship) is communication. If for some reason you feel as though your partner (used here to substitute for boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife, etc.) is not showing you the love that you desire then talk about it, don't, and I must reiterate this DON'T, go out and look for someone else who you think might show you any semblance of happiness or attention. Emotional affairs are just as bad as physical affairs, the both hurt the same way.

So I never answered, how does one cope with these type of relationships? There are only two answers: communication and trust. You just have to trust in your heart that you're in love and that your love can weather any storm. Distance is just a state of mind that can easily be remedied. Love is messy, there's no denying it, so we might as well embrace it. One last thing, you must also embrace technology, it is your friend and ultimately it helps.

XXXMED