My New Blog

This blog is many things but it is not personal, it is like a an open book. Well I have started another blog and this one I wish to express my time in the US Military, more importantly it's about my time joining the national guard and my experiences while I was a member, I should note that that blog is strictly on word press which I think is a superior blog format. I will update here but that blog is more of a narrative and I wish that you guys, my followers and my reads will read that other one and enjoy it. Please read here and read there as they will both be updated periodically. So far I have 2 blogs on the other with more to come.

Floating Ideas

I just added a new page to this blog, if you haven't noticed yet. It will be just for photographs that I've taken that's it. I'm planning on making another page to this blog which will be a sort of animated vlog, look for that page soon, it might take a while I need to find a good site/program to build animation. Also please note the Read More... link on the bottom of certain posts, you'll see that it leads you to more of the related post.

10 Best Comic Book Films. (Part 2)

I've finally gotten to part 2 of this post and thankfully you guy's will be able to see my top 5 comic book films.

04. Sin City (Unrated Editions)

For the trailer see my previous post. 

The reason this differs from the original is simply because it feels almost like seeing a different movie. I loved that this hews closer to the graphic novel and feels almost as though you're watch Frank Miller's comics come to life. I loved Brittany Murphy in these stories and I adored the small aesthetic steps Rodriguez used to add his own flavor into an already established and loved graphic novel series, sadly he hasn't done anything good since.

03. X-2: X-Men United

From the intro, to the character growth, to the acting, directing and the script I thoroughly enjoyed this movie. Where the first one seemed to lack and come off a little pretentious this one makes up with an amazing story, and even more amazing special effects. This movie is brilliant and beautiful, Bryan Singer really outdid himself with this film, the subdued performances from the leads was the very definition of ensemble acting, everyone complimented one another's style and gravitas. Far superior to the original and even more thought provoking, seeing Singer use "Mutants" as a symbol for the persecutions of many minorities (homosexuality, black, hispanic, Jewish, etc.) was both smart and well played. This is one of the best sequels to a film I've ever seen, in fact the only other sequel that lives up to and exceeds it's predecessor is...

02. Batman Returns

This is the pinnacle of what a Batman film should be, and not just a Batman film but also a sequel. This film, this masterpiece is not without it's flaws, but it almost makes Batman a secondary character. You're forced into the psyches of two mentally unstable people, Oswald Cobblepot and Selena Kyle, played impeccably by Michelle Pfiffer and Danny Devito. Whereas the first film was the Bruce Wayne/Batman introduction film you're left with a villain that is more comical than menacing, more caricature than character. Breathing new life into their characters Pfiffer and Devito became their characters and to this day I have no way of seeing how these characters can ever be recreated. Take notes Ms. Hathaway, you have a huge burden not to suck as Selena Kyle in Nolan's next Batman film.

01. A History of Violence

 Oh where do I even start with this film. This is a pure masterpiece, to me this is every bit as good as it's original source. The subtleties in the directing, the total believability in the actors and the complicated and complex story makes this one of the best adaptations to date. Watching this film was pure bliss and left me with this sense of wonder, not knowing that this was a graphic novel beforehand only made it that much better. It stands on it's own and also as a companion to it's source.

The End of 2010; New Beginnings Abound

2010 was a year of quietly embracing the consequences of my actions. I was forced to live in the conditions I had laid out for myself many of which began in the year 2009. I plan to start 2011 in a completely different mind set. I've made many mistakes this year and I've put my life on hold for such trivial things as love only to have it thrown back in my face. Was I wrong to do so? Maybe, but it was a mistake that I have to live with. 

Writer's Block

Today I need to think of a new topic to write on, I fee that, unless I'm moving around I have nothing new to write about. So I plan to transcend my limitations and buckle down and write a short short story. Should be posted sometime tonight.

A Question of Mortality

A few days ago someone I care deeply about told me something completely unsettling. I don't remember how the subject was broached but I was told that old age is not an option, once this person reaches a certain age they would kill themselves, at first I stood there startled and I thought "would there ever be anything that would cause me to think so drastically about life" and I finally have the answer. I think that there's only a few things in my life that would make me consider suicide.

5

Self Portrait 26.10.10

the ground beneath my feet.

the pitter-patter of the marching feet behind me,
all in succession.

the sounds of planes,
trains,
and automobiles,
round and round.
Dizzying, yet placing me at ease.

is this the big comedown?
the hypnotic end to such a great high.

this feeling in my head,
in my heart,
and in my being.
the drowning in eternal
internal sunset

truth be told,
this is the most human i've ever felt.
crash landing in an emotional shit storm,
i acted,
i pretended,
"and the award for best actor"

me

but now the consequences for my actions.

the fact that i wanted to numb myself
with all things anti me,
death has come for me
from above,

numbness subsided and now back to reality.

XXXMED

4

Today,
I take the longest walk of my life.

Down that ol' green mile.

Checking in to see if I receive my scarlet letter,
that branding that marks us forever.
Naivety has led me to this moment,
how can someone like you fall so hopelessly,
head over heels,
madly,
unequivocally in love with someone like me.

You  hide your branding well,
you scarlet letter is flush and skin toned.

Still,
I walk to my doom,
slowly and an eternity away.

Down that ol' green mile.

I cry deep inside,
thinking that this betrayal has the same sting as a double edged dagger.

Who did this to you,
who hurt you so bad that you would blindly harm other,
that you would send me

Down this ol' green mile.

Romance is dead,
you shot it at point blank range.
In it's back, just like me.
More than once,
more than twice.

Fuck the fool, I am the fool.

The dread is killing me,
standing at the threshold.
I wonder what your doing,
sleeping the night away.

Unaware of the path of destruction that is placed in front of you.
The path I laid waste to

Down the ol' green mile.

(Originally written on 14, October 2010)

Oh, What a Week! Part Deux.

What an amazing week!

This was a beautiful view from Montmarte.

I have plenty of new things to post and I just haven't gotten around to doing so.

A Poem,

A few pictures,

and maybe a story or 2.


...stay tuned and take care.

-XXXMED

Forgiveness

I keep thinking, should I or shouldn't I? Do I really need this heartache and pain in my life? But ultimately I've decided that I will, it's never a simply case of should I or shouldn't I, in fact it has never so simple. My answer simply comes from my thoughts, because I think you deserve my forgiveness, I think that I have made some mistakes, that we have made some mistakes, in the past few weeks. I just wish that we would have made an case for communication, or lack therein of, for which we are both guilty.


Like many people, my first reaction to betrayal was revenge, but revenge isn't always cut and paste. It's always a little messy and it involves other people getting hurt. My goal isn't to hurt anyone else, but just to not feel the way I was feeling. Childishly I was thinking that if I made someone feel the same way I felt then I would be on top, I would have perched myself back on top of Cloud 9. But I found out that revenge doesn't work, it's unsatisfying. Sure, you're caught up in this moment where revenge is bliss but in the end it's not, it's sorrow and disgust. Think "The Bride" at the end of Kill Bill, after she had her revenge she experienced this brief bittersweet moment of happiness, but you know what she ended up feeling sorrow and the sting of sadness. In her case, as is the case with many accomplishment equaled despondency.


Everyone says that it is best to just forgive and forget, but honestly how many people do you know that actually forgive and forget? It's never forgotten, always brought up on some drunken night, some fight, some disagreement, come case in point, truthfully no one can ever forgive and forget. The prospect of doing so is simply ludicrous. I'm sure you can count on one hand how many actually do. There's something truly remarkable in remembering, it braces you for that inevitable day that you will need to recall exact events and emotions. Frankly I feel as though it's better to not forgive or forget, it's better to know so you can look for signs and reoccurrence.


You might ask where all this is coming from, that it seems random and off the wall, and perhaps it is. The truth is that ultimately it's random but also it speaks to my character today, but not just today for the past week. It's also addressing something that's been weighing heavily on my heart and mind recently. I think I have an excellent capacity for forgiveness, I just don't want that fact taken for granted.

The Beautiful Truth

There's something truly amazing in finding out the truth on your own,
it allows you to make these grand assumptions
and stellar proclamations.

Honesty,
they know the truth always comes out,
so it's best to speak in imperative truths.

A lie is concealment
and concealment is a lie.

Truths I've learned
are not inconsequential.
The Truths they know about me are all encompassing.

A lie is a lie,
but not necessarily.

This unforeseen realm
loudly, but in clarity, speaks to me.
It proclaims that I must,
"Abandon all truth,
for you have entered the realm of the liar."

I could never believe that the truth has undone so many,
that they still cling to their lies,
never once admitting the truth
and yet
we came forth to see their many lies.

Only when they were reflected,
back into their faces,
did the truth come out.

10 Best Comic Book Films. (Part 1)

So in an attempt to make my blog more fun and less gloomy, I'm taking a page from my friend Maryanne and making a list, this is a list of my 10 favorite comic book movies, either animated or live action. Here goes nothing.

10. The Spirit

When I first say this in theaters my first reaction was "This is a poor man's version of Sin City." But after watching the film again for the second time, this time at home, I realized this was a remarkable film to watch. I loved that Frank Miller took a work that wasn't his and ultimately Miller-ized it. The voiceover was over the top and a bit tongue-in-cheek but it was all fun. And you know what I really enjoyed Samuel L. Jackson's character, I loved that it perfectly embodied his range as an actor (which is a bit limited). This movie has some faults and that's why it's not my number 1 film.

09. Wonder Woman

You know after watching this it made me really love the idea that DC has leap frogged Marvel Comics when it comes to animated features. I mean this was just an amazing idea, it's an origins story that's so well thought out and beautiful it almost makes you fall in love with Wonder Woman again (although I still have a problem with the fact that she can fly sometimes and other times she has an invisible jet). The voice acting is incredible, Kerry Russell will never be a perfect embodiment of WW, she doesn't have the bravado or the physicality, but her voice is top notch casting, all the voice acting is good it elevates the film from straight-to-dvd garbage to a legitimate super hero film.

08./07. Superman/Batman Apocalypse & Superman/Batman Public Enemies

Where do I begin? I love the idea of having two of DC Comics most famous characters on not one but two films is incredible. Although I've been posting more and more DC comic films as my favorites you should no I am not a fan of DC or it's universe. The characters are all stuck in a reality that doesn't exist. The most exciting prospect of these 2 films is that the story is never stale or uninteresting. It is always compelling and interesting, some parts fill as though they are just filler, which is always a bad thing but the story is compelling and I love that they have interconnecting storylines, one takes place almost directly after the other. My only problem is the animation, I feel as though they draw Superman too feminine and batman too masculine (which here isn't a bad thing). Still these are amazing animated films

to watch.

06. Punisher: War Zone

First off this is a bad film, I know it and I'm pretty sure you know it, but I love the idea that the story had evolved and became darker than it's predecessor. If I had to grade this film it would probably be a C- but still I enjoyed it. Bad acting, bad script and all.

05. Sin City (Original Theatrical Version)

Sin City will be on my list twice for this version and for the unrated dvd version (which will be placed much higher the second time around). This was a solid film, completely original at the time and the acting was top notch. I was a little wary about Robert Rodriguez directing, but when you have the original author/illustrator on board then there's nothing that can go wrong. To steal from film critics this was a visual stunning masterpiece. Robert Rodriguez has yet to make anything that is remotely as good as this. It truly saddens me that so much time has passed without any concrete word on a sequel, and the death of Britney Murphy who was a magnificent Shelly saddens me, maybe this will just have to live on as an excellent single film but none the less it was profound.

Note: This is only part 1 and part 2 will be added sometime later today or maybe sometime tomorrow, but feel free to critique and disagree if you like.

Happiness, Part Deux

Today I felt the lowest I've ever felt,
like scum.

But you made me happy.

Terrible terribleness aside,
vous m'avez fait plaisir.

Distance

This is the growing distance between you and I today.

3

Do you look at me and see that I am no longer the same,

that I have become monotonous?

Was I fun and now you've moved on

because I'm no longer offering you excitement?

You stare blankly past my eyes

and past my soul.

The very parts of me that you once loved,

and yet you no longer do.

You try and hide the fact

that I am no longer amusing to you,

but it is in fact written upon your face.

"Bored to Death"

It says.

In your eyes.

In your letter.

Just let me know, put me out of my misery

So I shall know the end is here.

2

With you here I feel lost.

As though time itself is moving slowly,

Constantly hiding and betraying my kindness.

Sometimes you make me wonder if I am too trusting.

I think about you and I see it behind your eyes,

that you are not being honest,

that you are hiding away apart of yourself from me.

Names, names and places,

anonymous places and faces.

For once I feel as though the bullet is in my heart,

all jagged and broken.

Tearing out my love,
my compassion,
and my tenderness,

leaving me.

Am I just an empty shell of a loveless man?

Does it not please you,

to see me hurting,

and to do nothing

and to say nothing

Nothing

Nothing

the emptiness and quietness of the hallowed soul.

Is it okay that I love you far away,

distant,

and dissonant.

Pale blank utopia

without the disillusionment of heart aches and heartpains.

You sadden me,

with all your mystery.

Mystery so mysterious

that I weep for those who know

what is the dystopian minefield of your heart

the bleakness of a world unknown.

I share

I share

feelings,

thoughts,

the truth,

but you hide and cower,

trying to shield you from the light.

The blinding and all consuming light,

you know not that it radiates from inside you.

The light is you own

you are consuming yourself.

Bright bright and drowning out the shadows,

drowning me out .

It is a cold light,

chill and bright.

Your warmth is leaving

I am left in the cold aftermath.

A devastating

and shrill

and piercing cold

that hurts to the touch,

blinds the sight, and kills happiness.

1

I love the terribleness of this picture, out of focus yet expressing perfectly my idea. 

Today we should mourn the innocent.

Today we learn that the blind are truly leading the blind and as they inch towards the abyss we should do everything in our power to stop them.

Today I will not stand idly by and be a spectator to the impending demise of my dear friends.

Today I shall voice my opinion on things that matter.

Yesterday I was a buzzard watching as the world went about it's machinations.

Yesterday I was just a cog in the machine, yet today I feel as though I am that very machine.

The pieces have all fit together and they are working.

Yesterday was a lifetime ago and tomorrow may very well be the end.

But I chose to live in this moment where my sanity, compassion and the very nature of my being are not questioned.

Happiness

A year ago today I set certain things in motion that ultimately led to happiness. I had been grappling with decisions that would have negatively upended my life and when all was said and done I made the right decision. Sure some people were not happy with that decision and I was mocked and ridiculed for months and months, in fact to this day I feel as though certain people hate the decision, but it was mine and mine alone to make. I was tired of the corruption, the dishonesty and the lies. I was tired of trying to give 100% when everyone around be was doing not even .01% of what I was doing. Truth be told I am happier now than I have been in a long time. Are there things that I would like to take back from the last year or so, yes, but I will not, everything is done for a reason. Today, all I can say is, the world is crashing down around me and I am standing on the edge of armageddon, in the shadow of sanity, and I am happy.

XXX MED

I've Been Gone for a Year or So

I'm back... older, not necessarily wiser. Will Blog extensively.