Happiness, Part Deux

Today I felt the lowest I've ever felt,
like scum.

But you made me happy.

Terrible terribleness aside,
vous m'avez fait plaisir.

PROMISES, PROMISES: "A House Is Not A Home"

If I ever see a musical on Broadway again, Kristin Chenoweth will star.

Distance

This is the growing distance between you and I today.

An Open Letter To You!

Dear You,

Yes you, you know who you are. There are a thousand questions left unanswered and I'm not going to answer them, until you ask the right question. Instead of why and who, say how and I. There are tons of questions that you need to ask yourself but you wont. You can't expect answers without the right questions. The questions; did I do something, why did you do that, is it me, etc, etc. I think the writing on the wall is pretty clear now, finally your secrets have caught up to you. Another lifetime filled with great disappointment. Ammite diem, indeed.

This Makes Me Happy!

This is JJ. He makes me happy.

Pokémon Apokélypse: Live Action Trailer HD

Need I say more, this is so funny but also kind of cool.

3

Do you look at me and see that I am no longer the same,

that I have become monotonous?

Was I fun and now you've moved on

because I'm no longer offering you excitement?

You stare blankly past my eyes

and past my soul.

The very parts of me that you once loved,

and yet you no longer do.

You try and hide the fact

that I am no longer amusing to you,

but it is in fact written upon your face.

"Bored to Death"

It says.

In your eyes.

In your letter.

Just let me know, put me out of my misery

So I shall know the end is here.

2

With you here I feel lost.

As though time itself is moving slowly,

Constantly hiding and betraying my kindness.

Sometimes you make me wonder if I am too trusting.

I think about you and I see it behind your eyes,

that you are not being honest,

that you are hiding away apart of yourself from me.

Names, names and places,

anonymous places and faces.

For once I feel as though the bullet is in my heart,

all jagged and broken.

Tearing out my love,
my compassion,
and my tenderness,

leaving me.

Am I just an empty shell of a loveless man?

Does it not please you,

to see me hurting,

and to do nothing

and to say nothing

Nothing

Nothing

the emptiness and quietness of the hallowed soul.

Is it okay that I love you far away,

distant,

and dissonant.

Pale blank utopia

without the disillusionment of heart aches and heartpains.

You sadden me,

with all your mystery.

Mystery so mysterious

that I weep for those who know

what is the dystopian minefield of your heart

the bleakness of a world unknown.

I share

I share

feelings,

thoughts,

the truth,

but you hide and cower,

trying to shield you from the light.

The blinding and all consuming light,

you know not that it radiates from inside you.

The light is you own

you are consuming yourself.

Bright bright and drowning out the shadows,

drowning me out .

It is a cold light,

chill and bright.

Your warmth is leaving

I am left in the cold aftermath.

A devastating

and shrill

and piercing cold

that hurts to the touch,

blinds the sight, and kills happiness.

1

I love the terribleness of this picture, out of focus yet expressing perfectly my idea. 

Today we should mourn the innocent.

Today we learn that the blind are truly leading the blind and as they inch towards the abyss we should do everything in our power to stop them.

Today I will not stand idly by and be a spectator to the impending demise of my dear friends.

Today I shall voice my opinion on things that matter.

Yesterday I was a buzzard watching as the world went about it's machinations.

Yesterday I was just a cog in the machine, yet today I feel as though I am that very machine.

The pieces have all fit together and they are working.

Yesterday was a lifetime ago and tomorrow may very well be the end.

But I chose to live in this moment where my sanity, compassion and the very nature of my being are not questioned.

Happiness

A year ago today I set certain things in motion that ultimately led to happiness. I had been grappling with decisions that would have negatively upended my life and when all was said and done I made the right decision. Sure some people were not happy with that decision and I was mocked and ridiculed for months and months, in fact to this day I feel as though certain people hate the decision, but it was mine and mine alone to make. I was tired of the corruption, the dishonesty and the lies. I was tired of trying to give 100% when everyone around be was doing not even .01% of what I was doing. Truth be told I am happier now than I have been in a long time. Are there things that I would like to take back from the last year or so, yes, but I will not, everything is done for a reason. Today, all I can say is, the world is crashing down around me and I am standing on the edge of armageddon, in the shadow of sanity, and I am happy.

XXX MED